Raising Future Adults

I don't have formal training as a masseuse but I used to own a bunch of books on the topic of massage and had friends who were willing to let me practice on them. By the time I had kids, I was quite good at it. This was sometimes useful for helping my kids relax and feel better, but it also sometimes had much more impactful uses. The biggest impact it had was on helping one of my sons recover from a mild case of club foot. This just means his foot was bent inward slightly at birth. I took him to see a doctor about it when he was maybe two and the doctor said "Developmental. He will outgrow it." No, he did not outgrow it. When he was three or four, they finally put him in a cast to try to straighten the bones. Casting is something that can take months. If the clubbing is significant, they replace the cast with a new one every few weeks to gently press the bones into a straighter position. My son was only casted twice for a total of about a month and he got two casts...

If you have a baby or special-needs toddler or preschooler, it can be tough to get a minute to yourself. This can make it challenging to use the toilet or get a shower. When my kids were little, I had an open door policy on mom being in the bathroom. If they needed something, they could barge in on me and talk at me while I was on the toilet or in the shower. I had a strict locked door policy for sexy times. I have no cutesy stories about them walking in on me during sex, but they could come bug mom when mom was in the bathroom. Just before my oldest turned two, I found out I was pregnant and a week or two later I got notice I was getting a better apartment. I moved shortly. This new apartment had a nicely designed bathroom. My two-year-old often sat on the wide ledge at the end of the tub -- enclosed on two sides by walls, so he wasn't going to fall -- while I showered and I would talk at him. This is the ONLY reason I was able to shower consistently while pregnant. He was ...

Babies have very delicate lungs that are still developing. Babies that came early or have some kind of health issue may have additional challenges. Inability to breathe adequately can make it impossible for a baby to get to sleep. A baby that is tired and having trouble breathing and can't sleep will be miserable and will let everyone know. Obviously, if there are serious respiratory issues, baby should be getting checked by a doctor for that and should be getting appropriate medical care, but there are a lot of non-medical things you can do to help baby breathe easier and get to sleep. In the long run, you need to improve air quality in the home to help baby sleep well with as little medical intervention as possible. Drugs that open the airways are stimulants and they tend to interfere with sleep, though not as much as inability to breathe will. But less NEED for drugs will help baby sleep better, so removing triggers from their environment will help them sleep and also help...

In order to be a good parent, you have to take care of yourself. Yes, if you have a baby or a special-needs child, they can take all your time and it can seem impossible to carve out any time to take care of you. But you better find a way to take care of you or you won't have it to give to your demanding child. When I was a military wife with health problems and two young special-needs kids, I learned that one or more of the three following things could be the difference between "I just cannot go on another day" and "The sun will come out tomorrow..." A large glass of water or other hydration. A bite to eat. A ten or fifteen minute cat-nap, sometimes even if I didn't really sleep. A lot of years ago, I knew a woman who was a new mom with a baby that came early. She was really doting and she knew no one was going to give her baby the level of care she gave it, so she didn't want to leave the child with a sitter unless it was absolutely neces...

If you have a baby and they are fussing, your check list should always be: Check the diaper, check if they are hungry, check if they are tired, check if they are bored. Address any issues found. If you've checked all that, come up empty and baby is still fussy, baby may be reacting negatively to something they ate or you may be making it hard for them to get to sleep, leaving them frustrated. If you are breastfeeding, what YOU eat impacts the taste of the breast milk and can also cause an upset stomach for the baby. Avoid obvious foods, like onions and spicy foods, but you may also need to avoid things that are less obvious, like peanut butter. The trick to getting a baby to sleep is make sure they are fed, make sure they are physically tired and make sure they are mentally tired. Sometimes just walking them around the house and opening closets and such will be enough mental stimulation to make them happily conk out. Never, ever spend more than fifteen minutes trying to rock a...