The title of the movie has nothing to do with autism. It's the toddler nickname of a forgotten older brother, Raymond being mispronounced as Rain Man by a two or three year old.
Good points: The movie shows and argues that there's more to Raymond than his limitations. It's a reasonably accurate depiction of the big strengths and big weaknesses of an idiot-savant.
Bad points: I look at the behavior of Raymond and see someone who has been institutionalized for decades and never learned to navigate the larger world and the movie doesn't really adequately make that point in my opinion.
If you have a socially challenged child in any way similar to Raymond:
1. A lot of his issues are rooted in sensory issues. They may never completely resolve, but treating underlying medical issues can reduce them and you can arrange your life to be quieter and calmer and less triggering.
FYI: Raymond should have been losing it in the face of the lights and noise in the casino too. It's not that different from the lights and noise of the police and ambulance at the wreck on the highway.
Noise sensitivity is most likely a symptom of magnesium deficiency and can be reduced by improving magnesium status.
For some people, the flashing lights of police cars can trigger epileptic fits. People reacting negatively to such lights should be allowed to get the hell away from them and not be treated like they are overreacting.
2. In humans, social stuff is mostly learned behavior. Socially challenged kids can improve, BUT not if your goal is to make them seem normal or stop looking weird.
Answer their questions, help them find comfortable ways to navigate stuff, expect it to take extra time, effort and practice and be okay with that.
Get over any goals of being normal. Normal is a setting on a washing machine. There's no such thing as normal people.
If they want to use self checkout "because dealing with a cashier involves too much small talk," why should you care?
3. In my experience, their strengths and weaknesses are related. It's a trait and two-edged sword, not a handicap plus separate gifts.
I ran the discussion group Wired for Science because the literal mindedness of such kids makes them better at certain things than average. They tend to be better at science and worse at things we classify as more art than science.
4. Work at upping your game on explaining social stuff. You probably suck at it. If you get more rigorous about understanding and explaining social phenomenon, that will help.
People who are innately good at the social thing trend towards "close enough" vague ideas about how social stuff works. And then blame their ASD kid for "not getting it."
Pretend he's a Martian, you're an interplanetary diplomat negotiating interplanetary peace and try harder to explain it adequately for an alien mind to follow the stupid shit most people do.
I say that as someone who sometimes had conversations with my kids where in response to some question of theirs, I was like "So, anger is kind of like fire. Blah blah blah blah." And my kid went "So, if you rub two people together, they explode?" And I was like "Forget everything I just told you. Let me think about that and get back to you."
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