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The Nature-Nurture Argument

There's a certain amount of natural variation in personality traits. There's probably not a single person alive who doesn't have a few "difficult" personality traits.

I don't believe in nature OR nurture.

I believe in nature AND nurture.

I believe that a great deal of social stuff is learned or learnable. Spiders get just BORN with behaviors hardwired into them. People, not so much.

I have difficult children. One lacks a conscience, an innate sense that "It's WRONG to hurt other people."

He's head injured from an incident involving an irresponsible nurse when he was four months old. Maybe he was born with a conscience and lost it due to head injury. Or maybe he never had it.

I raised him to understand WHY he needs to behave ANYWAY.

Traits like that can be useful in times of war or in certain professions or whatever. He's not bothered by things that can be unpleasant but simply need to be done the way some people are. 

I taught my kids things like "Pick your battles. Because if you are just awful to everyone all the time, someday you will regret it."

ASD kids are frequently put in therapy to teach them to conform and stuff like this. It winds up grooming them into professional victims who prioritize social expectations over their needs.

I didn't do that.

I ALSO didn't tell other people "My kids are ASD, they just can't be held responsible for their behavior and YOU need to UNDERSTAND and put up with it."

We RAISE human children for eighteen years or more. That's eighteen years of opportunity to give them feedback on what they are doing and what their options are and why they might wish to handle it differently.

I had LOTS and LOTS of conversations with my sons, especially this one in particular, about things like "People are mad at you because you did X. Well, I'm not telling you to not do x. You can't please all of the people all of the time. If X matters to you and you are okay with people being mad, whatever. But don't come crying to ME. Now if you want to talk to me about WHY you do X and figure out another answer that makes you happy and doesn't piss people off, I'm happy to talk. But if you just want to do X, then accept that they will be mad and leave me ALONE. I don't want to hear it anymore."

Are my kids "normal" because of all that feedback? No. They are still not innately good at certain social things and strongly prefer to just avoid pointless small talk with strangers and I don't expect them to get good at that kind of thing.

But they actually handle a lot of social stuff more effectively than average because they have been educated about social stuff and aren't just relying on whatever innate tendencies they were born with nor stuck with whatever solution they tripped across at age seven that probably didn't work that well at age seven and never got updated.

Footnote 
This expands a little on points mentioned previously.

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