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Santa, The Stork and Other Delusions

My ex husband was raised by extremely dysfunctional people who probably themselves have a backstory as to why they are such nutters, so I'm really not trying to talk trash about him. After getting to know the in-laws, I was like "Ooh, cut him more slack. He's trying extremely extremely hard here."

But he was raised by nutters and these people had trouble keeping food in the house -- he had eating habits, such as hiding his food, like someone literally born and raised in a concentration camp -- BUT they always had money for stupid shit like a hidden Easter basket FROM the Easter Bunny (on top of the Easter basket they made with the kids, or so I gather), money from the Tooth Faerie and presents from Santa. It's a wonder my ex was functional AT ALL.

Because he and I were always cash strapped, he made the mistake of waiting until our oldest was five to do presents "from Santa." Our oldest is extremely bright and REMEMBERED previous Christmases, so he didn't fall for this bullshit because there had been none in prior years.

When our oldest was something like seven years old, my ex read him a book about the stork bringing him while I was out of the house shopping.

I had been joking since he was four "You weren't planned. I was just trying to have a good time." 

No he didn't know that meant sex, but he decided "Mom was NOT making prank calls to the stork. That's not how she accidentally got me." and again did not believe his dad's lying deluded bullshit.

My son was an adult before he shared this story with me about his father some years after letting me know he facepalmed when he did figure out I was talking about sex and was like "Mom, you DIDN'T!"

I was furious when I learned his dad tried to tell him the stork brought him and tickled pink that he concluded "Mom wasn't making prank calls to the stork. Mom never lies to me. Dad does. This is BULLSHIT. Not buying it. Moving on."

I feel wholly justified in telling him from age four "Mom was just trying to have a good time."

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